A beautiful mess

Our baby is now 8 months old. Life is pretty cumbersome at the moment. I am treading water in a sea of cuteness and chaos. I cannot blog predictably, so, I am popping my head up out of the water to note an assortment of things I am learning:

• When I write a list of "things to do", every second item on my list is now, "unexpected job". Most of what I do in a day are things which interrupt my task list. Nappies, coaching children through conflict, dealing with the flood of milk on the kitchen floor, the broken glass. These "interruptions" are my job. If I account for the unexpected little jobs which I have to stop and attend to, then I am less surpised when it takes me four hours to do something which would ordinarily take twenty minutes.

• With five children, it is unusual for everyone to be happy at the same time. There is almost always someone who has an issue in any moment. The more I expect this, the less draining it is. It is still draining though.
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• The very things which make home education difficult are the same reasons why we are doing it. It would be easier in the short term to not have to deal with the inter-personal and attitude complications. It would be nice to outsource some of the frustrations and feelings of inadequacy. But we do want to actively parent these issues, so we remain present in our children's education. It is harder, but it is good.

• The rubbish in our studio will make some great artworks one day. I have made some prints from paint left on pallettes which the kids were finished with. I would also like to make a collage with all the random little drawings that the kids have done over the years. All the gadgets, creatures, weapons, castles, vehicles and maps brought together in one image.

• Minecraft is fabulous for many things. The problem is, those good things might be at the expense of other things which I care about more. We are now saving minecraft projects for school holidays. Since cutting minecraft out of our typical days, the kids are reading for fun again.They are no longer sitting around bored, waiting for when they are allowed to go on the computer again. Cutting off that option means they are once again seeing the other fabulous things around them.

• The studio space is a real gift. It gets used so often. The four year old is able to get out the materials he needs whenever an idea needs to come to life. This didn't happen when the art and craft things were in a box in the cupboard. It is a beautiful mess.
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• The chalk wall is great for me. I find my mind is so cluttered, that being able to write a note to myself, or for the kids to write a note, is a big help. I will often idly stand in front of the chalk wall, feeling like I don't know what to do with myself and the answer is staring right at me. It externalises some of my thinking. 

• It is really hard to sit and read aloud to everyone, or anyone, at the moment. This hurts because it is what I want to be doing most in our home learning environment. I often find I spend several hours in the morning setting up the conditions so I can sit and read to them. Because of unexpected jobs, no sooner do I sit down and there is an emergency of some sort. Or I am exhausted. 

• The stages of life when you need a couple of great, gritty friends are the same stages of life when you've got very little capacity for relationships. God has given us a couple of people like this who keep us afloat. Friends who know our family well enough to just the domestic reins sometimes are priceless. The sort of friends who share our space, eat meals and then blitz the kitchen while we put the kids to bed. The sort of friends who aren't offended when I am too tired to string a sentence together. The sort of people who we don't need to perform for. 

• I've had enough children to realise that these particularly messy, tiring stages come and go. Every month is different as children move through various stages of development. We must not despair. What feels impossible this month might be ok in a few weeks.

• I am also reminded that even when I am tired, or completely not achieving everything I think I ought to, my kids are still learning. Sometimes much more because I am not getting in the way with my own agenda.

• On the really challenging days, I am so glad to be doing what we are doing. I want to be here. I like this mess.