Respecting our own human-ness

I went to a conference earlier in the year for women who home educate. The best part for me was the anecdotal advice I gleaned on the edges of conversations and presentations.

One particular point stuck. It was about recognising our own personality and wiring as we parent. Creative people need to keep being creative as they do whatever family life requires of them. Movers need to move. Some people can't think while there is a basket of dirty laundry waiting to be washed. People caring for small children who need a nap need to make sure they get one. Introverted folk need to be realistic about their capacity for constant interaction. Some people need to put a date with silence in the schedule. Some people need to wake up to a slow coffee. I'm sure everyone has one element that makes a disproportionate difference to everything.

If we ignore our build and pretend we are infinite, living as if the world is dependent on us, then we will not last long. We are dependent creatures.

This isn't about getting everything we want ("me time" makes me feel very ill). It is working out what we need so we can keep functioning (even joyfully!) for the good of others.

I have worked out a few things which easily get sidelined, but which help me persevere more cheerfully:
1. Time reading a bit of the Bible and talking to God each day (apart from the moment by moment dependence).
2. A novel nearby, to escape into when an odd, empty five minutes appears.
3. A creative project.
4. Time to plan and write each week.
5. Afternoon rest time.

a little sanity knitting project (it's a baby sleeping bag)

To do these things, I have to leave other work undone for a while. But we could work 24 hours in a day and still never get things conquered. We need to pause the constancy, recognise our limits and invest in perseverance. Anyone for a cup of tea?

(I have worked through similar themes, mostly depression, on Women Bible Life. This post is a starting point.)

Some weeks...

We've all been sick and tired and volatile. So, the kids have watched a lot of DVDs. No, actually, they have just watched a lot of How to Train Your Dragon. Every time I tried to read something aloud, my body and patience gave way. It felt like a giant, but unavoidable, waste of time. Across the sick week, there were little surprises which reminded me that even slow, sick weeks can't stop the learning.

When I was finally able to turn off the screen, the kids had another set of shared stories to play with. Mr 4 has been inspired to construct some props based on the film. Mr 8 is interested in the extra footage about the animation process. Miss 6 was happy to walk away from the movie when she spotted me hunched over some watercolours. We had a nice, spontaneous, still life painting experience. The story is laced through pretend play, conversations, Lego constructions and drawings.

I need to be on the couch and sick every now and again, to see that kids are great learners even when I am sick. I do prefer our usual routine, though!

The studio evolves

Here are some photos of the studio, just to document the changes and the reality. A reminder that this is what we started with:

Below is a glimpse of how it looks most of the time. Since the kids appreciate the space, they are generally alright about cleaning it up. Our next step is some display wires running across the room, to hang artworks and objects from. No one has quite settled into a particular project. We are in the "experimenting with materials" stage. We need to keep tinkering with the storage so that space can be clear for making.

Current reading

Well, I haven't quite finished reading the other items I was working through. All the same, I have another couple of titles which I am reading.

Give Them Wings: The Experience of Children's Literature Edited by Maurice Saxby and Gordon Winch, Sydney: Macmillan 1987
Following my last reading list, a dear friend recommended this book of essays. It is a lovely mix of usefulness and inspiration. I expect it will be a plunge pool I dip into regularly. I can't resist sentences like this,

Children are indiscriminate readers, it is argued, and the avalanche of published mediocrity makes it possible for children to have a steady diet of indifferent books, and such a diet will produce emotional and aesthetic acne. Maurice Saxby (1987) The Gift of Wings: The Value of Literature to Children in Give Them Wings: The Experience of Children's Literature p.11

Saxby goes on to make the point that a wide diet of literature will grow children to value and prefer good literature. Quite apart from the point, I had never thought of emotional and aesthetic acne before. Quite a fun textbook!

I am still reading Ten Ways to Destroy the Imagination of Your Child by Anthony Esolen. I bought a Kindle version. It is entertaining, but I feel I have to play mental gymnastics to follow his argument. I am a bear of little brain these days, so that is tiring. It is also a different perspective from the Project Based Homeschooling, so I am constantly measuring each against the other. This is a great thing to do, but sometimes it is better just to pull out a picture book with the kids.

For joy, I am reading Australian Christian Life From 1788: An Introduction and an Anthology by Iain H.Murray, Banner of Truth Trust, 1988.

Australia has a bizarre and troubling history. It is sobering and encouraging to read the stories of some who loved Jesus here, in the middle of the mess. I am also finding that the more I read about Australian history, the more spills into conversation with my kids.

For the record, my reading is creeping along slowly, with stolen minutes while feeding a baby, or ten minutes before I fall asleep at night. Many of these books will be long term companions.

Sibling Christmas gifts

We are in the era of building meaningful family traditions around what is significant for our family. Commercial Christmas is not special to us, but Jesus is. We're convinced we've got more reason to celebrate, and more reason to ditch the excesses, than people who don't yet see what a big deal Jesus is. So, we love a simple but substantial Christmas. In our tradition building, I am often stealing other people's ideas.

A new friend inspired me with her own family's gift giving tradition. She is now in her twenties. Since childhood, her parents have given each child in the family 1 pound to spend on each family member for Christmas. (My friend is from the UK and my Aussie keyboard won't let me access the 'pound' symbol easily). The siblings would then go hunting through second hand stores for a gift for each of the other members of the family. Sometimes treasure would be found; sometimes just a laugh. Since I am quite attached to Op-shops (that's what we call charity stores here), I thought this was a fabulous idea worthy of adoption.

We have allowed our kids to spend $1-2 on each member of our household, meaning each child gets around $6 to spend in total. They get to enjoy the relational value of giving gifts, without unnecessary expense. They are (slowly) learning to think about the personality, tastes, needs and joy of others. They have to be creative problem solvers and pace their own spending. It is also pretty fun, apart from when the two year old has trouble with delayed gratification. It's all part of the memory making.

If you are looking for some substance for the Christmas season, you can find all sorts of things on Harrysdesk and 168hrs.

Internet safety

image from here

Our laptop stays on the kitchen bench. Using the computer is a collaborative activity in our family. The ipad is similar. Even still, we're conscious that we need to think much more carefully about internet safety as our family grows rapidly around us. Please share anything useful!

This confronting article was circulating a while back. It is well worth the read. It is easy to underestimate the dehumanising effects of  pornography and its impact on person-hood and relationships. Protecting the vulnerable is getting harder as we walk and eat and breathe and sleep in the digital cloud.

I am seeing the need, in our family, to feed non-screen interests. Sitting down with the internet is not a healthy way to deal with boredom. Idle, purposeless roaming is a habit us grown ups need to master every so often. Wouldn't it be better to help our kids master that habit early?

Research by the Oxford University neuroscientist and former director of the Royal Institution, psychologist Susan Greenfield, has found that intense internet use alters brain chemistry, encouraging instant gratification and making young people more self-centred.(http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2135203/Jamie-13-kissed-girl-But-hes-Sex-Offender-Register-online-porn-warped-mind-.html) 

If this is true, then parents are going to have to be tougher and more stubborn than their child's habit. And if this research is reliable, then the greater the intensity of internet use, the harder it will be to change. Acting in love is going to mean some conflict and our kids won't like us all the time. But we love them more than we need them to like us, right?

1981 The same but different

This is an episode of The Phil Donahue Show from 1981, complete with ads. A friend shared a link to this on facebook recently. It is fascinating, amusing and at times, a little disturbing. The discussion about home education; the objections, the responses, the methods, the misunderstandings are all so familiar. I appreciated reading some of John Holt's work a couple of years ago, so it was interesting to see him participate as a guest on this episode. This clip is from the John Holt Growing Without Schooling site.